Flip, flip

New textbooks lie on my table in a pile, mocking me with their size. The heavy air of responsibility hung in the air; the sight of the glinting platinum card used to purchase this books lingers in my mind.


I skimmed through the thinnest one, Communication Skills for International Students in Business. The pages are smooth, and from the contents, I can guess that lots of writing (formal letters, etc.) is expected from this subject. Briefly, I wondered how the textbooks would look like for Mass Communication or Creative Writing. Do those courses actually have textbooks?

As I pondered, I'd started with the next textbook, Management. It was only slightly thicker than the previous book. Colourful pages were riddled with words and pictures. Doubt and fear arose and constricted my chest. In order to master the subjects, one must be diligent and consistent with their work. One might have to make sacrifices in entertainment, favourite hobbies, time... I may be inspired in the beginning, but can I maintain that pumped attitude?

Marketing later found its way onto my lap. The neatly arranged words and the colourful pictures and diagrams was a contrast to its black, depressing hardcover. New concepts and topics filled my vision. Doubts and questions grew. What am I doing here? Why am I doing this? Can I really complete this? Everything looks so hard! Calm down, calm down, maybe I'm just tired from today's orientation?

Dread had filled my chest when I reached for the last textbook, Accounting. It was as thick as the last book of the Harry Potter series. Maybe even a little thicker than that. I flipped opened the pages, expecting more unfamiliar texts and scheming pictures... only to be greeted by welcoming windows, decorated with little words and numbers. Hope blossomed in my heart, ever so suddenly.


Maybe... Just maybe... I can survive this course after all.

Maybe... Just maybe... I'd remember why I'd pick this stupid course.